“Autism is like a sponge absorbing everything around you then you become stressed”

Because my Mum’s car has been damaged she ordered a wheelchair for me as I have balance problems walking. It was fantastic to be in the wheelchair. When we arrived at the GP surgery we were early and had to wait I then began to feel stressed as there were other people waiting but my Mum explained we were early and that she had to allow extra time to get there without a car. I became irritated by my Mum moving the wheelchair which was on a slope. Also she could not control the wheelchair which I found irritating. I was then asked to come into the surgery to be weighed but at first the machine did not work. I then was asked to put my arm into a machine to test my blood pressure which I did not like at all.

I became irritated again by a further wait outside and shouted “why are here here” and who is Dr ……..” “I want to go now” but my Mum insisted we were early and should wait a bit longer. She pushed the wheelchair away from the other people because she could see I was getting stressed.

Then someone announced a room suitable for a wheelchair had been found and that they were getting it ready or something. I was not happy by the time we got in there and it was a small room and I felt claustrophobic and there were two female professionals in there plus my Mum. My Mum had again failed to control the wheelchair in getting into the room. We were asked if we did not mind a student doctor to carry out the health check. I did not mind and Dr ……………….was very nice. She asked me how I was feeling. I have trouble answering questions because of my autism – I think I said fine but I am not fine really and sometimes things I say come out wrong and I cannot stop this from happening and neither can I stop my reaction to some things. My Mum started to talk and said things were not fine and was going on about it. I feel uncomfortable in answering questions but I was asked questions regarding my mental health too and autism is not a mental health condition and I have looked everything up on the internet about autism which is what I have. I was also asked about whether I was suicidal. Sometimes I have felt that way especially when I was on the ward but I have not ever tried to take my life. I just find it hard to cope sometimes and do not feel part of the community and I do not feel like a person at times. I have been told I have a hormone imbalance and have had endocrine tests done. I am glad I am now getting physical health attention as under the mental health and during the lockdown I felt my physical health declined and I spent most of my time in my room on the ward because I could not stand the noise.

I was then asked about my living accommodation which is an independent flat. I have been in supported living and housing before which has been awful but I found it triggering to hear my Mum talking about how dreadful the schemes have been and I reacted to this. I am happier living in my own home because it is more comfortable. From my balcony I can see the birds and my pigeons. The thing I do not like is the noise. There are major works going on right now and scaffolding outside my flat and builders shouting to one another. I have sensory issues and found it difficult on the wards so this is not good.

The health check did not take long but now I am getting messages on my phone to book appointments for assessments. I tried to do this but gave up because it was too stressful and I find it difficult to talk on the phone. I usually text my mum and I asked her to book the appointments in the end.

After the health check my Mum pushed me in the wheelchair through the town to the garage to pick up her car. It needs a new exhaust and catalytic converter but it is not cheap but when I got to the garage I became stressed again because my Mum was taking her time getting the wheelchair in the car – it is not a suitable car for a wheelchair but eventually we got back to my flat and I felt happy to be home as I get stressed out when it is not quiet and peaceful

Tomorrow I have to be up early for another blood test for B12 and Folate Acid but I refuse to take the folate acid any more as this made me ill.

I have written this on a piece of paper and asked my Mum to post it on her blog.


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