Heartbreaking – A visit to see Elizabeth

I had a few days off work to see my daughter Elizabeth who is miles from home right now.

I had arranged with the team prior to my visit so that for the first time in so long I could actually spend some time alone with her without a member of staff standing over and listening to every single word of conversation and watching you all the time.  This is how it has been for quite some time now both at the previous hospital and at Cambian but since solicitors have got involved, things have changed and also members of the team who brought her down for her Birthday for a few hours could see the family home and close friends who I had invited for a little party.

The weather was reasonable – I thought it would be snow and ice everywhere as it has been bitterly cold in London with snow falling the past week.

I took Elizabeth to see some of the countryside in the car and surrounding areas and I think she enjoyed the time she spent out.  I do not know how much time Elizabeth gets outside in the fresh air – to be fair the weather has not been good and she did look very pale but glad to see me.    The surrounding area is beautiful compared to where I live –  I found myself questioning if I was happy living in London and the answer is “no”.  I have lived here all my life but  have no quality of life whatsoever.  I spend most of my time at work and hardly see other members of the family I am close to.  Commuting takes much of time and I work full time.   I have thought about having Elizabeth home again and would love to have her home but in order to get well I believe that Elizabeth needs to be in a peaceful area.  I noticed that she suffered panic attacks whilst out and was petrified of heights.  We went to see a beautiful castle today but she was not able to walk far.  I wanted to take her on a train ride to see more of the countryside on a special railway but this was not open as it is still not the holiday season.  If Elizabeth was to come home she would need 24 hour care in that she is so vulnerable and so many bad things have happened – noone will put their hands up and say “sorry” – there is a culture of teams sticking together and covering up things that have gone wrong.  One thing is for sure the care locally did not work and the people where my daughter is now in general seem more friendly and I noticed in the hotel where I stayed, families were together and celebrating happy occasions and out socially together – I wished that my family were all together on seeing this but this is rare as other family members are working and the only time we get together is Xmas and Easter.  I wished that I was forever on holiday and could afford to take Elizabeth out like I did over the past few days.

Elizabeth expressed concerns and anxiousness.  I asked what she was worried about – it was not herself but all of us in the family – her concerns were that she hoped noone would get ill.  All the time I worry about the high level of drugs and that every day the team and giving her these drugs that will lead her to an early grave.  I am sad and bitter because I question the diagnosis as there is no proof of such diagnosis and that is why I want the assessment done by Dr Walsh.  It is highly dangerous to come off these drugs the team have given her over many years –  Dr Ann Blake Tracy explains that you can only come off them if this is done extremely slowly and over a long period of time and the environment has to be right and also nutrition as the drugs drain the body of vitamins and nutrients.  The team took her off 50mg – this is far too much and was done whilst she was living in the scheme locally and  of course this did not work.  I then appointed an orthomolecular psychiatrist who would have reduced her slowly and gradually but even  he said the scheme was the wrong environment.  After that, and shocking care and neglect, my daughter ended up in the most dreadful place ofall called the Bethlem Royal Hospital.  I had no idea this was a research hospital – I was promised she would be taken off the drugs and given a drug free period of assessment by Professor Robin Murray who quickly distanced himself and even said to give them a chance.  By this time she had a section slapped on her because they took her off 150mg of Seroquel and mixed it with Olanzapine.  Dr Tracy said they would have been well aware this leads to adverse behaviour and then came the excuse of a section.  Not that Elizabeth was any danger to the public – on the contrary she could hardly stand let alone walk and then came the worst and most dangerous drug (Clozapine) although Dr Tracy says they are all bad.

Anyway, I tried to challenge the team and this did not go down well and was treated like a criminal.  What chance or hope do I have amongst such a team who have power to act and it is no wonder the pharmacist and psychiatrist smiled throughout the meeting.  Elizabeth said she got shouted out and I am sure something  happened to her as her face was literally covered in bruises and the manager of the ward said she saw nothing.  No sign of bruising was seen by this manager who even asked when it occurred and I was able to tell her exactly due to the fact I keep this blog as a reference.

Anyway I am sad to be back home again and I am still waiting for the date of the Tribunal where the section can be challenged.  The team will argue she needs to be on a section because she cannot look after herself – they will use every excuse in the book to argue this is the case and that is why so many young people are locked away unfairly because far from being a risk to the public there may a risk to that person in coping and that shows lack of care in the community available.

If there was decent care in the community then someone vulnerable would be able to eventually get back on their feet but I have mixed feelings –  whilst she is miles away from home I could not help but notice there was more of a community, more caring and in general things seemed nicer and I would consider buying somewhere for Elizabeth to live as well with a live in carer and may consider moving myself eventually –  I am so torn about what to do.

Elizabeth is constantly on my mind and there are too many bad memories here locally.  Friends have long since gone – I would like her to meet new friends who care about her.

I put the change in Elizabeth’s character not down to a serious mental illness but a prescription – a prescription given to her by her doctor of anti-depressants as this was the turning point and I wonder why on earth there is not more correct publicity and education but then these drugs affect people in different ways and some may argue they have even helped them but I have since read the book Nutrient Power by Dr William Walsh and understand that they do not work for everyone and Dr Walsh goes on to explain the reasons for this and this is why I feel that proper assessments should be given before such drugs are prescribed in the first place as you cannot just come off them and there are no facilities here for this to be done safely.  None of this is reported correctly in the press – the public only gets to hear some terrible incidents and then this justifies the fact that patients should be forced to take these drugs when in actual fact the drugs are making them even more ill and they should come off them and if done correctly this can be done safely in the right surrounds and with the right kind of care in place and there is more than one expert speaking out against what is going on right now.     The fact is this has nothing to do with mental illness – if ANYONE was to take these drugs they could  have the affect of making them either suicidal or suffering bouts of severe aggression, confusions, sexual dysfunction, serious physical side effects, a dream like state during the day, hallucinations, dizziness – huge weight gain.  I could go on and on and one –  the sheet you get given in the  hospital does not tell you  half – I was against Elizabeth going on these drugs in the first place.  I am very sad that the care is so awful with no other choice and that drugs dominate “care” in the UK in such a huge way.

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