Monthly Archives: March 2013

I’m at home with my Mum for the first time in ages.  It’s good to be home.

My mum has shown me the website and I am so happy that so many people have written to offer support via Twitter.

I am being collected by the team today to be brought back to hospital.  I have had a nice weekend.

Yesterday we went to see some of the sights of Wales.

A typical week is:

Get up at 8.00 am.  Breakfast served early.  Medication follows.  There is a morning meeting with about 10 other patients.  I find the meetings OK.  We have to discuss what we are going to do during the day.  The meetings do not last long and then we have to get on with tasks and other groups.  The hospital is much nicer than the last hospital.  It is a private hospital and smart inside.  The food is better than any other hospitals I have been in .

It is not noisy like the other wards and I find this is good as the previous wards were very disruptive and that made me feel more ill.

AT the previous hospital locally there was less support and and more attention is given although I would like there to be more outings as most of my time is spend on the ward.  There is a garden at the back but the weather is not good right now.  I am allowed out to local shops escorted only.  I am taken out twice a week to a local park and shopping.  There is a small gym in Cambian and this has a few pieces of equipment but there is no personal trainer.  The hospital is very strict in discipline and this is the first time I am allowed home in a long time.

It is a shame but our house has been burgled on this occasion and I do wish that my visit home has been longer as it is a long journey to get home from where I am.

Sometimes I get bored at the hospital but I have made friends there.

I do not like taking the mediction and would prefer other forms of treatment or therapy.  I would like to see more trips around the area and feel this would be helpful to me.

The group I go to at the hospital – one of them is psychology and this is good.  I found it very good when my Mum booked me hynotherapy – I really liked that.

At my previous scheme in the community I felt I lost it –  I was not happy there at all.

The last Hospital (Bethlem) was very strict and like prison.  I hated it there and I was glad to get out.
I do not want to be in hospital much longer and would like to be out.   I would like to get on with my life.

I want to thank everyone for their support – the group my Mum sees Speak Out Against Psychiatry and people who have sent messages of support too many to mention but thank you all.


I have been in Wales collecting Elizabeth as for the first time ever she is allowed to come home and stay with me but this has only been a short time.

This morning I got a phone call from a friend to say my house has been broken into.  Luckily this good friend of mine helped no end and contacted the Police, stayed until the house was boarded up.  Once again burglars got in through the back and have damaged windows and French doors.  I have had the Wii Games stolen, laptops and other things but it could have been worse.  There were looking for phones and have ransacked my younger daughter’s room and there was glass everywhere.  My first thought was for my pet cat who must have been terrified.  I was relieved that the cat was still there as this would have caused tremendous upset not only to Elizabeth but myself as we have grown so attached to him.  I have not long been in but I have swept up all the glass at the back as I was afraid the neighbours cats could get glass injuries.  It is upsetting to know someone has been in your home and thank goodness the home is always occupied but it would have to be this weekend when Elizabeth is staying as I wanted this to be a very special weekend.

As promised I took Elizabeth on Brecon Mountain Railway and we saw the beautiful scenery of Wales and also visited a distillery to buy gifts for the family before heading home.  The house was not in too bad a state when I got home and despite all this upset, Elizabeth has been calm.  The hospital were worried that she could react – I do not think Elizabeth gets out that much and has lost a lot of confidence.  I see the hospital are giving her some supplements but I wish it was the prescription of the private orthomolecular psychiatrist that I appointed.

The Clozapine does not work because Elizabeth can remember way back everything that has happened and this drug has done nothing for my daughter.  What is the point of trying to block someone’s mind – this is an easy alternative for staff so that a patient is fit for nothing half the time.  This is not care at all –  these drugs must be costing the taxpayer a fortune and I have tried but cannot find one single place for my daughter to go in to be reduced properly just like Dr Ann Blake Tracy has instructed.   Noone seems to know how to reduce someone off these drugs and the public are misinformed greatly.  These drugs – anti-depressants or anti-psychotics are extremely harmful and you cannot just come straight off them.  I would not recommend anyone takes themselves off without the help of a professional doctor but what doctors in the UK are willing to give this humane choice of care.  If only I could find one.

The only place there seems to be brilliant care and choice is Finland in a place called Tornio and I have looked further afield as alternative care centres in the States and there are several – why is there not one single place in the UK.

I do like Wales as it is peaceful and quiet and after what has happened to my home I am not happy in this area at all.  Elizabeth is in a better place where there is quality of life unlike here where I live.  The trouble is there is lack of care in the community and these schemes where quite a few mentally ill people are put together in their own flats do not suit everyone especially someone who is extremely vulnerable like my daughter.  I am keen not to see a repeat of any of the horrific things that have occurred in the passed but it is hard to trust anyone every again.   The team have not trusted me up until now and maybe they have been warned by senior management to change their tactics otherwise any publicity would be detrimental to their image and reputation.  I have no idea why they have stopped treating me like a criminal and have suddenly backed down on their sanctions but there is a new doctor – maybe this is the reason.  It seems to depend on what doctor you have and whether or not they dislike you and some react in a personal way such as the Maudsley where I was given just 1 hour escorted supervised visits and Elizabeth was kept like a prisoner.

So Elizabeth right now is visiting her grandparents and I have allowed this despite the fact the rest of the family have not been communicating with me and have tried to keep Elizabeth visits a secret from me.  I am disappointed that Elizabeth is only allowed to spend just 1 night with me and tomorrow morning is having to go back and staff are picking her up from my house to bring her back.    Still, it is better than nothing I suppose but I would have liked to have done a dinner as we missed out on Xmas dinner and I did not see my daughter over Xmas apart from a flying visit just before Xmas.

If there are bad things written about you in the files that are inaccurate from a previous hospital, this hospital have perhaps gone by these kind of remarks that I have seen in the files I have in my possession.

Elizabeth was in quite a disturbed state when she was first transferred to this hospital from the last however ANYONE would have been in a state if they had come from this prison camp to anywhere else – this is not a bit surprising and I especially got to witness shocking things.  I wish they had called the police –  I wish they had me escorted like they threatened – I sat and waited patiently for this witnessed by a close friend who was shocked and disgusted.

Anyway Elizabeth at long last can see  her pet cat and this has gone with her to the Grandparents.  I thank God that these burglars did not harm the most precious thing I have.  Never mind about the computers – the cat could have got out of the window it does not bear thinking about.

Obviously I am upset about the burglarly but what can you do.  It could have been worse and I would have been awoken by any noise and would have investigated myself had I been at home.

I am now having to stay in and wait for the police to ring.  The whole thing is just a nuisance to me and I am not the only one down this road who has been affected by this apparently and it is supposed to be a nice area where I live as well.

Last of all Elizabeth knows I have this website and I will give her the opportunity to write something herself that is if she feels up to it tomorrow.

There is no doubt about the dangers of these drugs but as Dr William Walsh points out the drugs can be effective for some – those who are undermethylated with low serotonin levels.  For others they are of no use and should not be given and that is why a proper assessment should be given first and there should also be choice.  I cannot think of any worse than to be told you have to take a drug and are forced to do so especially when that person is suffering from terrible side effects and where is the proof of the diagnosis in any case.  I have asked for such proof and no proof has been given and I have noticed the way such diagnoses are dished out and it would appear purely by observation rather than proof.  In addition I have a tape full of interviews of actual psychiatrists laughing.  Some were saying it took 2 minutes to come up with a diagnosis and others that an empty surgery = no money and in America it is all about insurance but over here in the UK there is no doubt the power of the pharmaceutical industry who offer funding for training programmes for up and coming psychiatrists/doctors.   I do not hear the Government speak about mental health care and this is something that needs addressing.
I would say that the drugs are highly dangerous and I have seen the shocking effects.  Thank God I have not experienced this myself but the suffering of watching my daughter on these drugs and crying out for help has had a deep effect on me as a mother and the rest of the family.
I can understand why professionals wish to stick together – they are thinking of their own families first and foremost.  They get good money and benefits and this goes towards their own families.  They do not dare to speak out against anything to do with the care as it will come back on them.  It is all well and good Mr Hunt trying to stop whistleblowers but I do not think this will work.  I am more than happy to speak out about the shocking care but I have experienced a backlash for doing this.  Now that I have solicitors involved the team have had to back down and allow me unescorted visits and unsupervised phone calls.  I have no doubt though that my daughter who once texted regularly has been discouraged from contact with myself.  Having said that the new doctor is nice and has given me the opportunity to pursue the assessment with Dr Walsh and this is costing me hundreds through having laboratory tests done but Dr Walsh whose Walsh Institute is looking at proper treatment – this is a charity who gets nothing and it would be nice if the Government were to offer a donation to the Walsh Institute.  The donation could be in the sum of the money my daughter would have got given if she had chosen to be taking part in a clinical trial.  Instead she was used as a cheap human guinea pig.  Treatment Resistant – in fact chronic treatment resistant in her case is the new label.  What a load of rubbish.  My daughter is not alone there are many trapped in the system and it is not because they are a risk to the public.  This is because there is no decent care in the community to cope with them despite the fact that there are so many unemployed including many under the mental health who cannot work full time hours because of the shocking effects of the mind altering drugs.   However there are many who are highly intelligent and could help the likes of my daughter and should be offered funding to support people like my daughter where teams have failed to do so.
I know that the team at Cambian are pushing my daughter to do things such as every day chores and this was someone who  used to do everything for herself and worked, but what is lacking is peer support of someone who has been through such a similar experience – people like Eleanor Longden and others could have a significant role to play –  as I have said previously, my daughter responded to another service user more than staff.  This service user could get my daughter up doing things.  They may well be doing this in the hospital but forcing this upon her however my daughter responded to someone who was not even trained as a “friend” rather than someone ordering her around and of her own accord.   I was denied direct payment to provide such a “friend” for my daughter – that is a great pity as not only would this be encouraging for someone who is wrongly “cast on the scrap heap”  but this is the answer in my opinion as I noticed how my daughter liked to help others and how someone can feel like giving up on life because they are made to feel worthless.  This is the shocking way that some professionals make patients feel.  Stripped of their human rights patients are made to feel like nothing and I have seen that the patients have a lot to offer and have even helped me more than any groups available that I could go to as a carer.  They should be INCLUDED not excluded.  There should be a scheme to offer incentives to help others which could lead to them themselves recovering instead of trying to keep someone down and control that person.  That is exactly what is going on under the current care system.  I get the feeling that the longer someone is kept in hospital the more ongoing care in the community they will need as they become more and more dependant and need more and more support which is not on offer.
The forthcoming Tribunal:
Unfortunately from what I have heard the Tribunals are held in closed courts without publicity – this allows the legal system to be manipulated by the teams of profesionals who stick together and try to prevent a patient from leaving their establishments manipulating the legal process in every way they possibly can.   The Tribunals are sometimes drawn out longer than necessary by the teams and how much is this all costing the public let alone how much a further lengthy stay in hospital is costing which is unnecessary.  A section 3 can be renewed for up to 9 years so I understand and each time is 6 months – what if the patient is not in a position to challenge this – what if that person is so drugged up they do not have the capacity and yet have to remain in hospital for never ending sentences – how extremely cruel the care of the UK is.  The argument is “how will that person manage in the community”.  The problem is if that person cannot return home for whatever reasons – however if suitable care was available in the community then that person could still excel and get on with their lives but at my daughter’s scheme locally there was one person in the office asleep all night long.  Then they tried to increase on the care as that one person was male and they appointed a female member of staff .  Unfortunately the care did not work out.  There was talk of activities such as horse riding and other things but nothing came of this.  There were the odd outings but not nearly enough stimulating activities going on and Elizabeth mentioned this to me – this is not just confined to the care in the community but on the ward.  I wanted Elizabeth to enjoy a day out once with Enfield Mental Health users group once whilst a patient on the ward, but this was denied to her.    The fact is who cares!  The public are misinformed as to what is going on by the press –  the public cannot see what is going on due to confidentiality and they would be horrified.  If only they could get to speak to some of the patients but instead the press just carry on and produce articles that portray a patient as violent and a risk to society.  This is totally untrue in fact I felt  nothing but sympathy for these patients, many who have been abuse victims themselves but instead of decent help they get the drugs instead of decent humane care.
A person in order to be discharged from hospital needs somewhere to live – a prisoner is given better support.  A prisoner is given a hostel whereas there can often be no signs of when a patient can be released from mental health services and excuse after feeble excuse is given.
Well I have thought of a good solution.  Once my daughter has had a proper assessment by Dr Walsh then she can look forward to decent holistic care and I will look for the accommodation and I have already found an organisation offering 24 hr care in the home.  However Cambian have not invited me to a single CPA meeting as yet so they are still excluding me.  They will argue it is at my daughter’s wishes – however the other week she said ” Mum I wish you could come to the CPA”. It is the team who do not want me there that is for sure and no doubt someone in the team has questioned my daughter as to how she gets on with me.  Well this where they can get someone on an occasion when they do not feel so good and blame the nearest relative.  Just like my father with Alzheimers it is quite often the person closest to the patient that can get a backlash but that is exactly what a team wants.  Any negative comment and they use it against you.  Elizabeth has admitted she said something but nothing bad but she also admitted she was angry at the time and at a previous hospital when questioned by a so called professional as to whether her mother hit her as a child – she replied “yes”.   When I got to see the files I asked my younger daughter to show her what was written and on seeing these comments Elizabeth was very angry and denied having said this but then she said she may have said – something because she was simply angry at being in hospital and accused me of her being there.    There is no truth in cruelty – in actual fact I have been scrutinised by social services and every team as though I am a criminal and guilty of mis- treating my daughter but when someone is drugged up to their necks they can be manipulated and do not feel their best at times and can lash out at the closed person to them.
The team seize upon such comments to put in place sanctions against that person and make matters ten times worse – and this is my argument as to why Open Dialogue is best.  A team can only make comment when they have met the family as a whole and thoroughly look into the family backgroup.
Elizabeth’s last comments “I will have them arrested, Mum – you are still my Mum”.  “No it is not what I want –  I did not say I wanted supervised phone calls”    “…………………….Mum is coming to the CPA –  I wish that you could come to a CPA, Mum” – this latter comment referred to another patient’s mother who had been invited unlike me.
Even if I am prevented from having my daughter for whatever reason or excuse over Easter I do not want her to be alone as noone else is going and so I plan to go down to see her and perhaps we can do that train journey that was shut down as it is not quite holiday season.
As for the drugs – the drugs can affect people in different ways depending on the serotonin levels.  Dr Walsh’s book Nutrient Power is backed by research and highlights the problems of these drugs and that they do not work for everyone – yet they are still given regardless.
Dr Ann Blake Tracy focuses on what the drugs can cause in her book Prozac Panacea Pandora.  These drugs can cause ANYONE to react in ways described.  It does not matter whether you have a mental illness or not these drugs are highly dangerous.
Professor David Healy.  –  Look on Facebook and add Professor Healy who has documented the dangers of these drugs and how dubiously they are passed and all for profit.
My daughter is a victim of the pharmaceutical industry and these are the words of a professional – how true but what are the pharmaceutical companies doing to help these victims – the answer is NOTHING.  They just rake in their profits and pay off a lot of people who take them to court in return for their silence.
They try to say that everyone who speaks out against these drugs are Scientologists but THAT IS NOT TRUE!
I am still waiting after over a week now to hear whether for the first time ever I will be able to have my daughter come and stay with me at home otherwise she will be alone this Easter.  This would mean me having to go down to collect her and bring her back which I am prepared to do.
Elizabeth wants to come home to see her pet kitten and in my blog called “Abuse at the Bethlem” I document how this was denied to her by these  cruel professionals.  I will never forget this experience and how I was threatened with arrest.  Certain individuals stick out in my mind and others who I have never met before where copied in to letters –  it was shocking to see how many people were copied in at the Bethlem.  I suppose this was done to cover their backs as they were all  backing one another in banning me and at the end of the day I am still waiting for an explanation.  I only had a fraction of the paperwork I am entitled to under Data Protection.   This shows what is going on and I doubt very much whether there will be a bit of change under Mr Hunt’s proposals – it is certain individuals that should be made accountable.   Why discriminate against a hospital altogether when certain indiviudals are responsible and the only way to find out who is responsible is to appoint people in positions where they can monitor the situation under cover.
I hope I get to have my daughter at Easter come and stay with me.

I am horrified!  I thought from the description that Cambian Four Star Wards was wonderful compared to the shocking acute wards at local level.

Well, for people to contact me and tell me some very shocking things I cannot dismiss such comments.

Elizabeth says that staff treat her well and she may be lucky but I have no doubt that this is not the case for others from what I have heard – that their image of Best Care Provider may not be the overall case.  Maybe Elizabeth is lucky where she is however she has a doctor that I like right now but the previous doctor disliked me and things got back to me that I just cannot ignore.  I have therefore notified my solicitors of my fears.   I have a right to see what has been written about me in the past and am entitled.

They appear to be pushing Elizabeth to do things but what they should be doing is at the same time looking out for what is available for my daughter as a hospital is the wrong place for her.  Wales is a lovely quiet and peaceful area and I do not know how Elizabeth would adapt to London that is stressful and noisy.  Whilst I miss her so much I want her to get on in her life and the people, the whole environment is more friendly and relaxing than London is.  I have been thinking myself I would not mind to live there and may consider this in the future.

Whilst I miss Elizabeth so much on the other hand she has to be independent but she has lost her confidence. If she was to come and live at home she would then become dependant on me and would need 24 hour care – I would have to give up work if she came to live at home.   Then what would happen one day if I am not around –  this would not be good for Elizabeth either.  I would tend to do too much for her than I should to help.

When I looked after my father who had Alzheimers I worked part time and employed carers under Direct Payments. I was also heavily involved myself in the care.

I would like the Direct Payments so that I can ensure that Elizabeth gets good care as I have head shocking tales of abuse towards vulnerable people and that many people have suffered abuse.  This is my greatest fear especially if I am a distance away from Elizabeth and I would need to have others involved to check on this and make sure she is OK as I have been let down so badly and find it hard to trust people regarding the care.  Certainly this applied to local level. I know this can go on wherever no matter how qualified people may be.  I would rather go to the local college and select appropriate students of about my daughter’s age.  If they were studying psychology or nursing then all the better as long as my daughter was treated kindly, not allowed to drink alcohol or take drugs that would be good.  I have found that the kinder staff are those who are starting out in the profession such as at the Maudsley – the junior nurses – some were nice towards my daughter.   I just want my daughter to get better in the right environment and a hospital with a psychiatrist who has not behaved appropriately is wrong in my opinion – this is no place for my daughter to get better and I have heard that Cambian like to  hang on to people for a long time.  Well I feel uncomfortable if I come across the previous psychiatrist who treated me in the most dismissive way which left much to be desired.

The new psychiatrist is allowing the assessment by Dr Walsh –  I am about to have the tests done and then the outcome will determine what type of depression she has and then this will determine whether my daughter is overmethylated or has pyrrole disorder or copper overload etc.  Such results cannot be ignored and I will then ask Dr Walsh to draw up the correct diet and nutritional plan and I also am impressed by the properties I saw at affordable prices for my daughter and would like to appoint the suitable care, preferably orthomolecular so that my daughter can follow a holistic care programme which Cambian I doubt will be prepared to go along with.  I have told the new psychiatrist that he should get himself booked on the Chy Sawel Conference so that Dr Walsh can train him up and then he can benefit all the patients like my daughter who deserve choice in care in accordance with Welsh Law.

I am waiting to hear from Carers UK as I wish to attend a forthcoming conference and at this conference I am looking forward to meeting and speaking to Mr Jeremy Hunt.  I really hope that I get a place on this conference.  It is unsatisfactory to me that he has not responded to any of my letters or to my comments via Twitter and I would hope to be able to speak up for everyone like my daughter in same position and about the shocking care in the UK of drug pushing and I would like him to answer to the public as this is draining resources on the NHS as if someone like my daughter is chronic treatment resistant – this is ridiculous!  I have every right as a mother to be furious with this Government who allows the cruel abuse of patients like my daughter to go on and places like the Bethlem to use patients as human guinea pigs.

I had a few days off work to see my daughter Elizabeth who is miles from home right now.

I had arranged with the team prior to my visit so that for the first time in so long I could actually spend some time alone with her without a member of staff standing over and listening to every single word of conversation and watching you all the time.  This is how it has been for quite some time now both at the previous hospital and at Cambian but since solicitors have got involved, things have changed and also members of the team who brought her down for her Birthday for a few hours could see the family home and close friends who I had invited for a little party.

The weather was reasonable – I thought it would be snow and ice everywhere as it has been bitterly cold in London with snow falling the past week.

I took Elizabeth to see some of the countryside in the car and surrounding areas and I think she enjoyed the time she spent out.  I do not know how much time Elizabeth gets outside in the fresh air – to be fair the weather has not been good and she did look very pale but glad to see me.    The surrounding area is beautiful compared to where I live –  I found myself questioning if I was happy living in London and the answer is “no”.  I have lived here all my life but  have no quality of life whatsoever.  I spend most of my time at work and hardly see other members of the family I am close to.  Commuting takes much of time and I work full time.   I have thought about having Elizabeth home again and would love to have her home but in order to get well I believe that Elizabeth needs to be in a peaceful area.  I noticed that she suffered panic attacks whilst out and was petrified of heights.  We went to see a beautiful castle today but she was not able to walk far.  I wanted to take her on a train ride to see more of the countryside on a special railway but this was not open as it is still not the holiday season.  If Elizabeth was to come home she would need 24 hour care in that she is so vulnerable and so many bad things have happened – noone will put their hands up and say “sorry” – there is a culture of teams sticking together and covering up things that have gone wrong.  One thing is for sure the care locally did not work and the people where my daughter is now in general seem more friendly and I noticed in the hotel where I stayed, families were together and celebrating happy occasions and out socially together – I wished that my family were all together on seeing this but this is rare as other family members are working and the only time we get together is Xmas and Easter.  I wished that I was forever on holiday and could afford to take Elizabeth out like I did over the past few days.

Elizabeth expressed concerns and anxiousness.  I asked what she was worried about – it was not herself but all of us in the family – her concerns were that she hoped noone would get ill.  All the time I worry about the high level of drugs and that every day the team and giving her these drugs that will lead her to an early grave.  I am sad and bitter because I question the diagnosis as there is no proof of such diagnosis and that is why I want the assessment done by Dr Walsh.  It is highly dangerous to come off these drugs the team have given her over many years –  Dr Ann Blake Tracy explains that you can only come off them if this is done extremely slowly and over a long period of time and the environment has to be right and also nutrition as the drugs drain the body of vitamins and nutrients.  The team took her off 50mg – this is far too much and was done whilst she was living in the scheme locally and  of course this did not work.  I then appointed an orthomolecular psychiatrist who would have reduced her slowly and gradually but even  he said the scheme was the wrong environment.  After that, and shocking care and neglect, my daughter ended up in the most dreadful place ofall called the Bethlem Royal Hospital.  I had no idea this was a research hospital – I was promised she would be taken off the drugs and given a drug free period of assessment by Professor Robin Murray who quickly distanced himself and even said to give them a chance.  By this time she had a section slapped on her because they took her off 150mg of Seroquel and mixed it with Olanzapine.  Dr Tracy said they would have been well aware this leads to adverse behaviour and then came the excuse of a section.  Not that Elizabeth was any danger to the public – on the contrary she could hardly stand let alone walk and then came the worst and most dangerous drug (Clozapine) although Dr Tracy says they are all bad.

Anyway, I tried to challenge the team and this did not go down well and was treated like a criminal.  What chance or hope do I have amongst such a team who have power to act and it is no wonder the pharmacist and psychiatrist smiled throughout the meeting.  Elizabeth said she got shouted out and I am sure something  happened to her as her face was literally covered in bruises and the manager of the ward said she saw nothing.  No sign of bruising was seen by this manager who even asked when it occurred and I was able to tell her exactly due to the fact I keep this blog as a reference.

Anyway I am sad to be back home again and I am still waiting for the date of the Tribunal where the section can be challenged.  The team will argue she needs to be on a section because she cannot look after herself – they will use every excuse in the book to argue this is the case and that is why so many young people are locked away unfairly because far from being a risk to the public there may a risk to that person in coping and that shows lack of care in the community available.

If there was decent care in the community then someone vulnerable would be able to eventually get back on their feet but I have mixed feelings –  whilst she is miles away from home I could not help but notice there was more of a community, more caring and in general things seemed nicer and I would consider buying somewhere for Elizabeth to live as well with a live in carer and may consider moving myself eventually –  I am so torn about what to do.

Elizabeth is constantly on my mind and there are too many bad memories here locally.  Friends have long since gone – I would like her to meet new friends who care about her.

I put the change in Elizabeth’s character not down to a serious mental illness but a prescription – a prescription given to her by her doctor of anti-depressants as this was the turning point and I wonder why on earth there is not more correct publicity and education but then these drugs affect people in different ways and some may argue they have even helped them but I have since read the book Nutrient Power by Dr William Walsh and understand that they do not work for everyone and Dr Walsh goes on to explain the reasons for this and this is why I feel that proper assessments should be given before such drugs are prescribed in the first place as you cannot just come off them and there are no facilities here for this to be done safely.  None of this is reported correctly in the press – the public only gets to hear some terrible incidents and then this justifies the fact that patients should be forced to take these drugs when in actual fact the drugs are making them even more ill and they should come off them and if done correctly this can be done safely in the right surrounds and with the right kind of care in place and there is more than one expert speaking out against what is going on right now.     The fact is this has nothing to do with mental illness – if ANYONE was to take these drugs they could  have the affect of making them either suicidal or suffering bouts of severe aggression, confusions, sexual dysfunction, serious physical side effects, a dream like state during the day, hallucinations, dizziness – huge weight gain.  I could go on and on and one –  the sheet you get given in the  hospital does not tell you  half – I was against Elizabeth going on these drugs in the first place.  I am very sad that the care is so awful with no other choice and that drugs dominate “care” in the UK in such a huge way.

For the first time I will be allowed hopefully to take Elizabeth out unescorted.

Cambian will not give any reasons for why they imposed such sanctions against me in the first place but I suspect getting solicitors involved has made a difference as when asked, they refused to give me any reason for such a ban being in place.   The control and manipulation I have seen under Cambian and this hospital below has been unbelievable.

The team seem to be panicking about me seeing the contents of the file in any way and this makes me believe they have something to hide.

The battle for justice for my daughter has definitely had an effect on my health but not mentally – I feel all the more determined to see justice and the fact that what they are doing is so very wrong and detrimental to my daughter.  To use a patient in that way who is drugged up to her neck on powerful sedatory drugs is wicked and cruel.   There is a greater divide in the family now as a result and Elizabeth and her sister are torn between family members – for instance the Grandma who said “dont tell your mother” – that was as a result of Elizabeth being brought down for her Birthday to the rest of the family.

It is Easter coming up and I have put in for some unescorted leave and hope that I can have my daughter home then.

It is as though the team were trying to sever contact altogether and I feel I have a right to see the files as there are comments relating to me in them and if a ban is imposed against someone and you are referring to that person then I have a right under the Data Protection Act to see this.

This is a time also when you can clearly see who your friends truly are and many just disappear or some can take advantage.  It is sad that you cannot always trust who you think are your true friends especially when it comes to money and possessions.  Again the law is not geared to protect you against dishonest behaviour but I will document more about this another time as this will result in yet another court case.

I had a nice day today. My younger daughter presented me with a nice card she had designed with photos of her and Elizabeth. Elizabeth looked stunning in those photos as they were taken at a time when she was not on a mountain of drugs – drug free and happy.

We went to a nice Indian restaurant which was not local to where we live. The journey was horrific as there had been an accident and in the UK this brings chaos to the roads.

My younger daughter is doing well but was once labelled and put on anti-psychotic drugs as a child – a victim of something that happened to her at school. I could not believe how quickly they wanted to push drugs at a child and when I looked up Rispiridal I was apalled to see “not tried and tested on children”. Even on 1mg of this chemical her legs became like tree trunks, her body swelled out and this led to bullying and being called “psycho and mental” in the street.

The cure for my daughter was a new school which I had to pay for as there were no places in state schools available and this was a stage school where she excelled. 7 to a class, extremely competitive but kids who threw themselves into working so hard to put on a good performance which led to her achieving good academic results too. Anyway, she has much to be thankful for with regard to this school.

Elizabeth was not interested in acting/dancing like her sister but was given the same opportunity. She liked music and had piano lessons but she was more into sport and wanted to be a chef. Elizabeth was doing well for herself then – she had a car, was learning to drive and going to college as well as working for 2 years part time.

I did not hear anything from Elizabeth today but then she does not know what time/day or anything she is so drugged up. It is sad to think my daughter is in bed sometimes midday because that is the effect of these awful drugs. She has even said “I am missing out on my life, Mum”.

I am going to see Elizabeth next week. I have been told verbally by the consultant psychiatrist at Cambian she can now see the independent doctor which was holding up the Tribunal.

I quite like the new doctor but am worried how things will be when the other one comes back who clearly did not like me at all. When a doctor does not like you they can say all sorts of things behind your back and influence the person under their care by persuading them that it is best not to have contact with the mother. The new psychiatrist in contrast has bothered to speak to me on the phone – whether or not he likes me he has tried to communicate with me and to understand my concerns that these drugs will cause long term health problems to my daughter. Also I do not think she should be sectioned – the Maudsley have a lot to answer for in my opinion. I am furious at the incompetence of this so called worldwide renowned hospital taking my daughter off 150mg of Seroquel then deliberately slapping on a section. I want a full investigation into this and what happened to cause my daughter’s face full of bruises. I also want an investigation into the way I was treated like a criminal.

The team at Cambian cannot find any reason to ban me from contact. Despite the way I feel about these rotten drugs – I am not a doctor and could not attempt to take her off however if only I could send her to some of the brilliant care centres in America. Despite the shocking care in America there are some places like Alternative to Meds, Earth House and Cooper RIIs – these places offer humane care – what is there here – NOTHING. I want to address all of this in person to Mr Hunt himself and will hopefully see him at a forthcoming conference. I will bring the book of Dr Walsh for him to read and learn something as it is all well and good him going on about more data. I have provided him with more data on Twitter and he needs to read the books I will bring with me to this conference.

I am thinking what to do now for the future as I do not want Elizabeth to remain in that hospital forever but coming home to live in a busy and stressful environment of London may not be good for her either. I want to buy her somewhere to live but she will have to have a carer live in. The problem is – who can you trust. I have heard such horrific accounts of the abuse going on from various mothers and am worried about placing her in anything that may be council run. I would rather find the employees myself and see to it that things are checked upon. Anything would be better than being in that hospital for ever but she cannot do things for herself any more and I would have to look for an orthomolecular nurse – there are orthomolecular psychiatrists and this is what I would like for my daughter as the drugs do not work so surely it is totally wrong to just carry on pushing these drugs that will kill her. I need something done to allow Elizabeth to be gradually and slowly reduced by professionals and Dr Ann Blake Tracy should be invited over here to train some of these professionals up as noone has the faintest clue how to properly reduce someone off these chemicals in the UK. ANYONE taking these LSD like serotonin reuptake inhibiting drugs could suffer psychosis not just a so called mental health patient. I saw a post by Professor Healy about this and this is quite right. I have posted some of his links to Mr Hunt. I am looking forward to meeting Mr Hunt in the near future.

Not Elizabeth’s words but I think I know who could have said these comments.  These comments were said at Cambian Four Star Wards during the time I was banned from contact.  This ban has been lifted now as there were no grounds for such a ban.  There is a new psychiatrist who is much nicer in the way he has bothered to communicate with me directly and this is something that is rare as normally a doctor could not care less to ring you back and you have to phone again and again to get response.  It is not of any benefit to Elizabeth to listen to nasty comments said against me behind my back or be deprived of contact.  It was extremely cruel what was going on under Cambian 4 Star Wards before the new psychiatrist was appointed.  He in contrast has telephoned me and returned my calls – he seems much more of a caring and understanding person.  I am not sure I want Elizabeth to remain at Cambian when the old psychiatrist returns who clearly did not like me.  I have no doubt it was detrimental and upsetting for Elizabeth who commented that other mothers were invited to the CPA meetings but instead of me the team invited her father and that is because he has not been outspoken on anything to do with the care.  Neither does he know anything about the drugs and how harmful they are.

Since the letter from my solicitors, my ban – supervised phone calls and escorted leave have been lifted. In addition, my daughter can now have the assessment done through Dr Walsh..  Now I have had a verbal confirmation Elizabeth can see the independent doctor for the Tribunal – the independent doctor represents my daughter at the Tribunal appointed by me.

I will be going to see Elizabeth next week, as I have time off from work.   It is a quiet area and peaceful where Elizabeth is.  I have requested that she comes to stay me – she has said “nothing beats home”.

It is such a situation now that Elizabeth cannot manage alone to do anything – needs looking after and if left on these awful drugs will need looking after for the rest of her life.  Also what none of these doctors consider is the long term health problems and even if a patient complains of serious side effects nothing is ever done.

The trouble is the hospital have renewed her section for another 6 months and could continue to do this for much much longer.   A hospital is no place for Elizabeth to get better but whilst I would like to have her home I just do not know if this is the right answer also as she will become too dependant on me.  Elizabeth will one day need to be independent and at home she could not be left alone in the house and I would have to stay at home rather than go to work.  The carers contribution from the Governement  is paltry –  very little to stay at home and support the patient.

What I did for my father was to buy a property, have carers living in and I wonder if this could be possible for my daughter and if only I could find an orthomolecular doctor/nurse to ensure my daughter has the correct treatment – holistic care.

I will write more about my visit to see Elizabeth next time.

Elizabeth’s sister went to visit her today.  She has taken her out shopping and for a meal so I understand.  Elizabeth’s younger sister missed out on seeing her for her Birthday and works full time.  Elizabeth’s sister was once diagnosed with Schizophrenia as a child and given mind altering drugs – fortunately I managed to get her off and I sent her to private school where she excelled. She later went to boarding school and then university and graduated last year.  So  much for the diagnosis of Schizophrenia which makes me feel that doctors are only too willing to come up with a label for someone without any scientific proof. 

No doubt Elizabeth had a nice time with her sister and I plan to go and see her in a week’s time and hopefully have her to stay over Easter.

It is better now that sanctions have been lifted but I am worried when the previous psychiatrist returns then the team will once again be governed by rules such as this.  This previous doctor did not even meet me yet formed an opinion based on file notes so I assume – the previous doctor said “I have heard all about your past behaviour”  – the previous doctor clearly did not like me as there have been other more disturbing things said not directly to me, which have got back to me.  It reminds me of the team at her previous scheme when someone told a friend of mind “we cannot be bothered with her because of the mother” – well they clearly do not like it when you complain that is for sure but when you see no food in the fridge, overflowing washing, unclean conditions and rotting food, you start to question what care is there and then when you speak out and get nowhere and complain again and again it is not liked yet they got around £800 a week and how much is this care costing to keep Elizabeth in hospital drugging her up on one of the most expensive drugs when her diagnosis is in question.   It was heartbreaking to see Elizabeth declining when she was in the scheme, not eating well, staff not able to engage, the flat unclean and no food in the fridge considering she was once immaculate and independent- this is what the drugs do for you.  The drugs they insist someone has to take for the rest of their lives.  The drugs cause lethargic/overwhelming tiredness/complete lack of energy as well as other serious side effects. Noone cares or takes any notice.  Right now staff are pushing at Elizabeth to do things for herself and this can make a patient resentful –  again the level of drugs can dictate the capability of someone to do things for themselves as well as their thinking capacity which doctors like to play on and suggest that person has full mental capacity.

I am most concerned as to where Elizabeth will be placed in time and do not want her to go to another scheme – I am also not sure London is a good environment for her to  be in either.  I would like to buy a property for her and perhaps the mother of the other young man from the previous ward could move in there from hospital. We would like holistic care as nothing else has worked.  The house could have an orthomolecular nurse living in and hopefully direct payments to secure therapeutic care.  This would be my dream – I am not sure that direct payments would ever be given as social services like to play on the fact that a patient should ask but what when someone is not capable of asking then that person gets absolutely nothing and that is how the team likes to manipulate things.  This reminds me of when they had someone from Disability Action visiting and after 6 months had not come to a decision on what Elizabeth wanted.  I booked for Elizabeth to see the leading hypnotherapist called Susan Hepburn – you should have seen the team’s reaction!  Anyone would think they had some kind of disorder the way they behaved and I have never seen anything like that – in fact it was quite amusing.  They desperately tried to stop Elizabeth from going to this appointment which had cost me hundreds and there was no way I was going to allow them to get away with this. As I worked full time in Central London and at the time was near to Harley Street, I arranged for a cab to be booked to pick Elizabeth up from home with two accompanying friends.  When I first saw Elizabeth she looked dreadful and did not eat anything at the restaurant where I took the friends out to – I got the afternoon off work and met them near to Harley Street and then we took Elizabeth for the appointment.  Elizabeth was really ill when she went in – she barely spoke, barely ate anything and was like a bundle of nerves however after coming out of just 1 session of hypnotherapy I could not believe the miracle – Elizabeth came out like she once was, calm, speaking normally, happy and relaxed – what was all this fuss about!   Why is it that this is not recommended under NICE guidelines when it actually worked for her and that showed up the whole shocking care that the drugs are useless in her case.  I then got to find out that hypnotherapy is given by SOME not all NHS trusts and this is where they could further save their money.  I could have found out in 1 hour what Elizabeth wanted from Direct Payments and to think that social services made a huge fuss.   I would recommend this treatment to anyone but sadly I could not find anyone to take Elizabeth for the next appointment  the week after – if she had had about 5 or 6 appointments – I keep thinking about this now –  it would certainly be useful if Elizabeth was reducing off the drugs and could be useful for schemes set up by alternative care groups.   


Right now I feel the team are are holding up the Tribunal in that they are stating my daughter has not given consent to see the independent doctor. I know for a fact my daughter is too drugged up to be able to appoint a different firm to the perfectly good firm of solicitors she already had and she had already given her consent to me having some information about her care to the previous firm of solicitors and they were replaced by the team at Cambian. The consent was given at a time when Elizabeth was no way drugged up to the extent she is now.   This is what you call real manipulation and control of the whole legal process and now I want an investigation into what happened before this new psychiatrist came to work at the hospital. This sort of thing should not be allowed to go on and  hopefully my solicitor’s involvement will remind the team of their legal obligations and my daughter’s human rights.    So much for the advocates IMHA for stating that” they were not sure a London firm of solicitors would be allowed for the Tribunal as it is in Wales” –  WHY EVER NOT!  this is where the law is failing to protect the weak and vulnerable and there has been a landmark case won – I think this case was won by Kaim Todner Solicitors for the unfair delaying of tribunals.

I am in touch with more mothers and spoke to one over the phone this weekend  –  it would appear that the Panorama programme featuring mentally handicapped patients is just the tip of the iceberg. Abuse is rife by the sounds of it and the wrong people are sometimes employed in the care business.  It is either abuse or neglect suffered by many.   Neglect can lead to further decline in the patient and so many things have happened to Elizabeth whilst in the care system that I no longer want her to go into a council run scheme.  I saw a brilliant scheme run by Mind but in North Wales and they were inundated with people wanting that flat.  I was impressed with the way this was run and had been recommended by someone else.  Anyway I have been thinking of buying a property for Elizabeth to live in and maybe another mother will also be interested in my idea and the appointing of a live in nurse – orthomolecular and if direct payments can be secured then a nutritionist, therapeutic care.  Elizabeth will not be capable to getting to appointments, doing much in the way of work or anything come to that on this shocking level of drugs unless she is reduced correctly as Dr Ann Blake Tracy said.  I would not attempt this myself but if only I could find the right care as there is in the States re Alternative to Meds, Earth House and a few other places –  there is nothing here as yet.  If I could only get together with one or two other mothers and provide care that Dr Walsh instructs but with professional staff involved.   Dr Walsh will hopefully train up 12 doctors as he is coming over in June to the UK. 

There should be choice – not everyone benefits by these harmful drugs.  If overmethylated the drugs do not work and make someone worse – it is no wonder my daughter is “chronic treatment resistant”  – it is simple in that the care is not the right care and consideration to this should be given to all patients who are treatment resistant as this is draining to the NHS and this is where money can be saved for the A&E, Maternity and better care in the  hospitals.  By constant pushing of these drugs, this will only lead to long term health problems and further strain to the NHS.

I am not saying that all NHS care is bad and I feel that more money should be spent on this but when you get mental health patients returning time and time again to the wards I believe that something needs to be done about this situation and this contributes to the lack of funds within the NHS.

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