I have heard no news about my forthcoming court dates and cannot wait for something to be sorted out.  It is truly heartbreaking – I do not wish to forever control my daughter’s life however the way the team have handled the whole situation is so apalling.  It is affecting my health and I know from what the other mothers have told me they are also suffering health problems as a result of stress they are going through.  I have taken it very very personally as there is nothing but a wall of silence from the team and you do not get any answers.  The Consultant Psychiatrist who has thankfully replaced the previous one temporarily has made out he is unaware of the ban but nothing has been put in place to change the current situation.   This will result in costly and unnecessary court action as I see this as bullying on their part.  You should be given a reason why you are banned/discouraged from contact with your own son/daughter but I am sure I am not alone here.  It is dishonest not to give a reason and write about someone behind their backs like no doubt they have done against me.  I am prepared to stand in front of the world’s press to  hear such a reason and for the public to judge me.  I would rather have the public to judge me than this team of so called professionals who if they do not like you they can write whatever they like.  If you so much as dare to challenge the care system which is shocking then they all gang up against you and I think I am doing the right thing to challenge the current care system as I have listened to other people and many are too afraid and I can see why.  I dread to think what it has been like for Elizabeth but I am thinking of ALL the patients stuck in the same situation and if noone speaks up then nothing will ever change and this is wrong. 


At the Bethlem Elizabeth spoke of staff watching her all the time and this sounds to me worse than prison and I lost count of how many times they threatened me some of the staff and seemed to get a kick out of their powers.  Of course they have everything to be worried about because I now want some answers – I want everything sorted out in court and feel that my case should be used as an example of what should be improved upon in terms of communication as all too often mothers and carers are cut out by the team like they are insignificant – you are treated like nothing and the team do not want you to know what is going on and so they manipulate the person under their care who is already drugged up to their necks and they can say nasty things about you behind your back and they should be accountable for what is written in their files and explain in front of the court.    In Elizabeth’s case – they have taken her away without hardly any warning, not allowing any time for the family to say goodbye. I was not opposed to Elizabeth getting away as she had been allowed to mix in wrong company and I had trouble on  my doorstep.

To the team my daughter is just another number and I am sure not all the staff are bad but they way they have dealt with me shows that they have a lot to learn.  It seems to be a problem at the top of the care system – the more powerful and higher position within the NHS – this is where the corruption lies and I AM STILL WAITING FOR MR HEAFIELD TO REPLY TO MY LETTER.  I will make it my aim to catch up with Mr Heafield and then he can reply to me in person and I want better letters from the entire Government and have written again as I am not satisfied.

Shortly I am going down to the local Mind Store where I  have  left my petition and am offering money for each page of signatures as I do NOT want to be ignored by this Government. 

Out of all these funded carers groups none have done anything to set up Open Dialogue, including patients (not like Cambian 4 Star Wards who say they involve patients when they have no involvement in the running of the wards – if they did have then I would not be complaining) and they should make the patients feel worthy and useful which they are.  The patients should be involved in the running of such wards in my opinion.  It does not matter if they do not have the qualifications.  The patients have a greater understanding of what someone is going through and could help others and help themselves too in their capacity of caring as many of these patients have more caring ability than the staff I  have witnessed.  These patients could be earning some money and this could lead to them getting better instead of being left on the scrap heap. 


If I was running an alternative care centre I would not hesitate to draft in some of the former patients I know as they have lots to offer and are the most decent people who should be given credit in the press but the press are biased. When is a newspaper going to publicise the dangers of the mind altering drugs and the way the patients are treated on Enforced Treatment Orders.  I would be more than  happy to write myself about this injustice. The newspapers I have approached have said they are interested in hearing from the patients but what about those like  my daughter who are not able to speak and what about when you have overwhelming evidence in writing – they seem more worried about being sued and I have been threatened myself for what! – for speaking the truth!  I am not afraid of their threats and see this as a form of abuse and bullying.  I would rather speak the truth any day than lie like so many of these so called professionals who just go along with their superiors for the sake of their jobs.  It is a lie to say you have to be on the drugs for the rest of your life – some of the diagnoses are doubtful because proper assessments are not carried out and that is why I cannot accept the diagnoses as they stand.  There are several and I will accept a diagnosis only when Dr Walsh has carried out his tests properly and then a proper treatment can be established.  Anyway, it shall be interesting now as the Consultant Psychiatrist from Cambian 4 Star Wards should have the book from Dr Walsh called Nutrient Power which I would fully recommend.  I have made sure that the forms are correctly completed as by the sounds of it he is plugging Clozapine!  I made sure I documented thoroughly the shocking side-affects my daughter has suffered which would have been played down I am sure.  You have only got to look at the video Clozapine not Clozaril to see what shocking effects this chemical has. Also I can put people in touch with the patients who have been put on this harmful drug if no-one believes me.  Anyway this psychiatrist has promised me that I may have the assessment by Dr Walsh which I am prepared to pay for even though Dr Walsh has said it will cost nothing as his orgnisation “The Walsh Institute” is a charity.   This Government should offer a donation to Dr Walsh and invite him  over to set up a nationwide proper assessment project as soon as possible or they should come to the next Chy Sawel Conference in June.   I could not be more happy about the prospect of a proper assessment and cannot wait to get things moving.  As Richard Branson said you must not sit around waiting for a present –   well I am not – in fact his words are very encouraging to me and make me even more determined. I am doing something about this unsatisfactory situation and challenging the shocking care and I have the backing of lots of people who are likewise unhappy and wish to have their say as well.  Unfortunately it takes more than just speaking but a successful petition is a way for sure of being heard by a Government who does not care to listen.   Meanwhile, Mr Hunt has not even had the courtesy to reply to my letter.  I can soon hand deliver a letter to him straight from work and that way he will have no excuse that he has not received my letter.   On Twitter just now I have slated the Conservative Government for not caring about mental health when so much money is wasted.   There are too many people doing nothing except complaining and now I am getting impatient with everything and want some action.  As I have said I have brilliant representation in court and witnesses to top it all.  I am also trying to raise money for Chy Sawel as I would like them set up.

I also hope to go over to the States to have a look at the wonderful alternative care centres or Finland,  Tornio where they have decent care unlike here.  Elizabeth wants to go to Finland and she was very happy over there and I intend to take her to Finland and then I can write at first hand all about the wonderful care on offer over there. 

Soon it is Elizabeth’s Birthday and I do not know what to get for her as I doubt I shall be going to Wales.   I wish I could get a celebrity chef to go and visit Cambian as this is what my daughter wanted to do from a young age and when I last spoke to Elizabeth she said she was enjoying cooking at Cambian.    Unfortunately staff do not even tell you what they have going on – there is nothing but a wall of complete and utter silence.  You do not get shown the slightest thing apart from a tiny box room where you are allowed to sit with a member of staff virtually standing over you listening to every word.  This is what I see as care under Cambian – like prison – even more tight security and control than the Bethlem and that is saying something – I would describe the Bethlem as Colditz!  – I have never seen such a shocking place since I visited a well-known theme park attraction which could well have been based upon the reality of care under the prison camp.   It would have been nice if a member of staff were to tell you about activities, pick up the phone and speak to you and let you know what they are doing, how my daughter is doing, if there is any problems – it is all one-sided this so called care and it is breach of human rights to control to this degree someone’s life and then make out it is what that person wishes when they are in a confused state of mind drugged up to their necks on Clozapine.  I would describe the care in the UK are truly awful, wicked and cruel.   They have torn my family apart and it is the previous consultant psychiatrist I believe who wanted to get at me this person and who is hurting my younger daughter too and this is unforgiveable in my opinion.    I want this consultant psychiatrist to be present in court and I want everything out in the open.  The public have a right to know what is going on.   Under the Data Protection Act I should be entitled to see what is written about me personally but at the Bethlem they refrained from giving me the important papers relating to when they banned me and labelled me as being aggressive and threatening and these surely contain my name in – where are these papers – I should be allowed to see what has been written about me behind my back.   I already know some of what I need to know – the level of drugs.  This was all I wanted to see and they  had to tell me as my daughter gave consent verbally in front of the staff and this is why I got labelled threatening as I managed to get to hear what drugs they had given her which she did not even know herself.  I can imagine what they have written about me behind my back because I have the bulk of the files and have read some shocking things by doctors who have never even met me.  It is guesswork on their part and if my daughter did not want to see me again how come she says “there is no place like home”    – she misses her home and family but there was not suitable care or enough support and that is failing on the part of social services and the Government who should step in with funding to support the victims of the pharmaceutical industry who have been used as human guinea pigs – a shocking practise allowed by law in the UK and who have been made so ill they can hardly walk, hardly a threat to the public – these young people have been ruined and I blame the whole care system and the law laid down by an uncaring Government who are wasting so much of public money when mental health affects so many and the answer is clearly not drug pushing and labelling but proper assessments as I am about to have done hopefully and also the inclusion of families.     


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