Since getting the news that I am banned for Xmas to see Elizabeth except for escorted leave I have not felt that great this weekend and was meant to visit a friend at the horrific Bethlem Royal Hospital where I got banned myself from the National Psychosis Unit Fitzmary II Ward.  I cannot say which ward I was planning to visit this time as I could be banned again!  but I know I would not be welcome On Ftizmary II Ward where the staff constantly threatened me with arrest all the time and this was where they cut my visiting hours down to about 1 hr and escorted only.  What can you do in 1 hr. So, looking back to this time, it was a nice day outside and I thought I would go running with my daughter but laughably a nurse there said that they needed to be careful as regards health and safety for the staff and also that I should not go running with my daughter behind any bushes or trees and had to be visible at all times.  I found this as hysterical as the picture of the sniffer dog on the door of the ward (when it is them who are the drugs pushers).  I told this nurse that I was doing them a favour as it was apalling that their staff were unfit and besides they must have been worried that I and my daughter would have outrun the lot of them.  However, sadly Elizabeth could hardly walk let alone run and had to hold onto my arm all the time in the field whilst no doubt the staff from the ward above watched constantly.  It was when we got back to the ward my daughter was taken ill and it was at that moment that I got to find out what drugs they put her on and the drug beginning with ‘M’ was Metformine for diabetes Type II and then I got to find out about the Clozapine – and I also got to find out that doctors were called out in emergency to m y daughter who was suffering heart problems and I found this out when I got back to the ward with some shopping she needed.  I had no idea they had done this – I had no idea they had pushed more drugs at her and that was probably one of the reasons they cut her time with me from a whole day where we used to go to Croydon and Bromely shopping together to just 1 hour and escorted only.  Noone could give me the reason for this at all.

This other ward is even more horrific and there are no windows from what I could see and you got searched  – I was meant to go with someone in my car – I do not like driving on the motorways on my own particularly but unfortunately she could not come and I cancelled because it was too late by this time for the strict visiting hours but  got on the phone to this person that I know and who has been a good friend and supportive towards my daughter.  This friend is wasted on this ward however he is looking after all the patients and has put many good ideas on the board –  this is the kind of patient that should be given paid employment within the NHS.  This person is motivating the patients in a way that the staff cannot and has the energy and enthusiasm to organise things and the intelligence to run things.  It is sad to see that people like this are kept down and besides what a waste of talent which should be used to full in helping others in the community and those that are unreachable to the staff on the ward.  That is the problem with the current system of mental health and care in the community.

I have not heard from my daughter this weekend and am thinking what am I going to do at Xmas – how am I going to get a present and a card to my daughter.  I cannot accept escorted leave or being watched like a hawk and listened to every word of conversation like a criminal in a small pokey room the size of a box room if I was to go down there.  No, I cannot accept this at all – this is insulting and humiliating and especially  bearing in mind the career that I was planning to go into and may still decide to do this.  Of course there are no grounds to ban me as I have had every single security check done on me during my application to join the police force.  The social worker said there was no grounds to replace me  I should think not! in other words there is nothing bad about me that they should replace me as the Nearest Relative.  However when I asked why I am being treated like a criminal noone has got any answers and this is disgusting in my opinion.

Anyway, I have thought about it and come up with some good ideas.  I am already trying to raise some money and forwarding on addresses of possible contacts as regards the funding needed to Soteria and Chy Sawel and the Root and Branch Project who I will contact tomorrow.  I still need to get something collectible to auction as I need a  huge amount of money and it would be nice if I had something a bit better than just a meal and a show provided by me so I will try and get something sorted out about this for my Ebay auction.   I work in the right place but unfortunately I work full time and would have to try and fit this in after work as I am right in the centre of London and there are no end of places that I can try and get something collectible from.

Anyway, I have thought about an appeal on Welsh Radio stations – I want to make sure that  my letter and card gets to my daughter and is not opened by any staff on Xmas Day. I therefore  will put out an appeal to see if anyone can help me seeing as I cannot  bring myself to go and sit in a small room Xmas Day and have every word listened to.     In fact I may as well contact the Welsh radio stations now and advise them of this awkward situation and see if they can help me.

Speaking to this patient on the most horrific ward has made me have more strength and energy than ever because this person was bright and cheerful despite being on a place like hell on earth and was helping and practically running the ward by the sounds of it.  It was uplifting to speak to this person and I thought to myself why should I be down and depressed because of being deprived a decent family Xmas – this in fact makes me all the more determined to succeed in what I am trying to do.  Even if I fail I can at least say I have tried.



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