Monthly Archives: July 2012

The annual fete was on today at Bethlem Royal Hospital.    I am completely banned now from seeing Elizabeth – the team have all ganged up against me – I hope God is taking care of my poor daughter as she is surrounded by evil right now.  It is pure evil what is going on under this awful ward Fitzmary II.  The patients are controlled and kept prisoner – virtual prisoner and drugged up to their necks against their wishes on poisonous highly dangerous chemicals and they are given extremely high dosages so I have heard and I know from former patients this is above BNF limits –  experimentation and clinical trials regardless of the risks involved.  As I am sitting here now I am crying my eyes out and thinking this really is HELL ON EARTH –  I absolutely hate this ward and as for the staff, they are the ones who have been threatening against me.  Thank God I have some good friends but there are none for my daughter and I am going to put out an appeal for friends to keep a look out for her as she is in a truly horrible place right now.  There is noone to help my daughter because the advocates are not independent as I see it.  Constantly the Consultant Psychiatrist was using them as an excuse not to come out with answers to questions.   Today’s meeting was about the usual topics that have not been resolved – medication as I want  her off the Clozapine, access rights to my daughter as they referred to  two incidents where staff gang up against you and say things about you but do not tell the full story.    ONe of the incidents was heartbreaking where they would not even allow my daughter to stroke her pet kitten.  They are truly evil.   I am very very unhappy about what they have done for her against her wishes with these drugs and I have read the apalling research papers ie:   

Dr James MacCabe talks about “re-challenging patients who hae previously experienced suspected blood dyscrasias or crdiovascular complications of clozapine at the National Psychosis Unit.      So this is what goes on under this hospital regardless of patient welfare –  it seems to be all about money making.


She was too ill to even come down the stairs and walk around the grounds .  The team are so very very cruel –  they have described me as aggressive and threatening, causing upset to patients and team alike –  I am just one person against so many of these staff who have the powers to use against you and can act like God to prevent you from seeing your own son or daughter whenever they see fit.       The purpose of today’s visit was to discuss grievances but I do not feel comfortable with any of this team apart from the social worker who I believe is still off sick.   A friend came to support me and is very much involved with advocacy and patient’s rights at the hospital.  Being a former patient himself he was marvellous in the kind way he mediated and acted like an advocate between myself and the team.   This would be a much better person to be involved with my daughter’s advocacy as I would feel a little happier knowing that she is being fairly represented whereas I do not feel that at all right now.   He was not allowed into the carer’s meeting with me so I did not bother to go.    Elizabeth has spoken to this man who put himself out to try and help and support her and I was so grateful. Because I am no longer allowed to see my own daughter she wanted a few things.  I could not believe the cruelty of one person in particular who said “she has got everything she needs on the ward”.  It is this person who I want my solicitors to deal directly with and this may be the only option if things are not in place better next week.  Not only that two firms of solicitors will be acting and there is no way that Rethink are going to be used yet again to stop my daughter from having a completely independent firm of solicitors rather than one recommended by the hospital.  If they try to stop the completely independent firm then I will get my solicitors involved.  That is how bad things are.   Today I telephoned the police as I am seriously thinking of working in the local area as this was what I wanted to do – to work with people like my daughter and the Police do some good work in the community that often goes unnoticed.  Apparently they are in need of volunteers and I now have time to spare as I am not allowed to see my own daughter and do feel this would be beneficial.  My daughter must be suffering and he is probably laughing because he thinks he has more powers than God himself.  Today I went to the local churches and asked them to pray for my daughter – I would like to see visitors on that ward in the absence of myself but no-one hardly goes because families often live too far way as this serves people from all over the country and also there are those who have been abandoned by their familiies and have noone.


It is one thing getting away with controlling patients who are too weak to defend themselves whilst drugged up to their necks on chemicals.  It is another thing trying to control me in this way or anyone else who feels strongly in this connection.


I have already discussed the letters I have received with sanctions against me and that I was NOT satisfield with the letter from the Chief Executive.


So, apparently another letter is in the post to me which bans me for about two more weeks not allowing me ANY contact with my daughter and once again Rethink are brought into this.  


You have only got to look on their Board to see why I am not happy and the fact that Rethink were meant to come to the last meeting on Friday and did not says it all.  Someone has told them NOT to come to the meeting as they would have been put in a position that they would have to deny any involvement in preventing the Consultant Psychiatrist for answering my questions.


My questions were mainly about medication:

Why is she on a diabetes medication;

Why is she on Clozapine when she particularly did not want to go on this and besides, I already warned that this carries 5 black box warnings for heart problems in the family and this would apply to her.

I then wanted answers to when the sanction of escorted leave and restricted leave would be lifted as Elizabeth liked going to Bromley with me.   Again he used Rethink.  


I thought to myself –Right…………..I am going to have to reluctantly appoint legal representatives and thanks to my huge amount of new friends I have acquired I have found an excellent firm to represent me.  I will definitely be using this firm in the very near future.

Secondly I have found the most wonderful independent advocate for my daughter rather than REthink who are obviously domineered by  the Consultant Psychiatrist who has refused me a copy of the minutes by saying that he would rather concentrate on the care.

Unfortunately I am not happy with this –  I have therefore requested under the Data Protection Act every little thing with my name on it which I am entitled to under the Freedom of Information Act and the CQC have had no choice but to agree with me.

Today I am meeting with the new representative and looking forward to a meeting with the lead nurse and some psychologist.  I do not know what this can achieve! 

I am not allowed anywhere near my daughter and no doubt if I ventured anywhere near they would call the police!!!

I have therefore decided to offer my services to the local police who are apparently constantly in need of volunteers as I have already checked this out for myself.

I am going to contact my web designer to do something better for me on my site and I need a page to attrack leading celebrities in order that the patients can have some visitors to cheer them up.

So I will let you know how I get on with all of htis later as there is also a carers meeting afterwards which I am going to attend unless I get arrested in the meantrime.

Professor Murray is writing to me – one line emails whereas mine go into details and I have provided him with the shocking links to Prof Taylor’s research and told him to put himself in my shoes.  I also suggested that the Consultant Psychiatrist himself and the team should try out these harmful chemicals BEFORE plying them to vulnerable patients against their wishes.  If this was done then they could do much more thorough research as they would know how it feels.  The fact is that they are NOT doing this which would point to concerns that they are afraid to.

Anyway my ban is because of my “behaviiour” when I visited the ward at the weekend and I have had to report them to the Police myself as I am just one person against all of them and most of them are men.  I felt totally threatened especially when I was told that I would be physically removed by two threatening members of staff.  Each time I reported matters to the police and so I have come to the conclusion that it would be beneficial all round for me to re-join.

I am only imagine what must be written about me in the files and cannot wait to see this –  I hope they do not lose any of the files because this has been done before once.  I know this sort of horrifiedl  In fact I could not stand any m ore after just 2 weeks!

I have had two text messages from my daughter requesting things and now I haev new contacts in the area – how good is that – something good has come out of a bad situation.  Now that I have contacts like this I can rest assured that my daughter will be kept an eye on  because who knows what goes on behind closed doors.  The ugly truth always comes out in the end and I like to get to the bottom of the truth and this is the reason I wanted to be in the police plus I have got some good ideas on improvements as regards this hospital.










The letter was just as I would have expected.  The points were investigated by the Ward Manager but I have today spoken to the CQC and will phone them tomorrow as well now that I have these letters.

They are obviously panic stricken not to allow myself or anyone else in the family sight of the medical files and this is despite the fact my daughter agreed at a time when she was not drugged up to her neck like she is now.  Talk about manipulation on their part!   I can just imagine the contents of these files and would have been amused to see what I had been described as –  I have seen it all before – the minute you challenge these people the minute they slag you off behind your back and say what they like about you.

I got an apology for the rudeness I encountered by a member of nursing staff.


The answers to the bruising on my daughter’s face was totally unsatisfactory as the Ward Manager had not seen her until much later than the date this occurred.  I keep a meticulous record of what is going on.  She was not referred to the ward manager and the lead nurse said she was happy but they would give no further reasons for this extensive bruising. 

I did not say she was bloated becasue she had not eaten –  I was concerned that she was gaining weight – and felt she was not getting enough fresh air or exercise.  The bloating is caused by the medication.  He tries to reassure me that they check on her temperature, pulse etc and that they were normal FOR THAT DAY! That means that it may not be normal at other times as I know they have had to call doctors out several times since they forced the Clozapine on her.

The Consultant Psychiatrist was stubborn and obstinate.  YES – that is perfect – they have got something right.  They discussed these comments with him and of course it was not his intention to be this way  and it was clear that this was the case!  and of course the rest of the team stick together in his defense.  Typical – any misunderstanding – he apologises for.


I then get accused of being aggressive at the ward round on 4th May witnessed by a friend who will tell you the complete opposite but at one point I stood up and was in tears and very upset quite rightly so as I had heard something he was dong re the medication and witnessed him and the pharmacist smiling.  The way this team manipulate everything as they are doing  right now is in breach of human rights.  He said it was distressing to stff and patients but there was no patients around as we were in the meeting room not in the main ward amonst other patients.   


What about the considerable distress this team is causing to me and my daughter as she was so upset when she was not even allowed downstairs for 5 minutes to see her pet kitten on Sunday –  I think they are disgusting the way they behave. I was threatened to be physically removed and again arrested several times.  One of the nurses was panic stricken when I tried to look at who he was on his identity card  – he clearly was petrified and it was amusing to see him frantically try to hide this from me!  He goes on to warn me of zero tolerance for aggression or violence but I am the one who is outnumbered and if they are doing this to me then what the hell are they doing to the poor patients that I have heard go on about their human rights not being listened to.  A wholly unsatisfactory letter but what can you expect.    They have been very busy writing to me as I have another letter form the ward manager – I have been banned for 3 weeks!  dated 27 June and received today.  I do not want ever to go on that ward so they need not worry but at the same time they should allow visits and this was denied when I came on Sunday and that is disgusting as my daughter was deprived of a bit of fresh air and was only able to see her pet kitten through the glass door.  What kind of care is this!  I have to be escorted like a child by staff.  I will save them the bother as I am really serious now about the prospect of volunteering for the local police station – even if I work on their desk doing the paperwork, that way I can inform the staff there and police officers of what is going on at this ward.  They will not have far to go when it comes to arresting me!  I have lost count how many times I h ave been threatened with arrest but I waited and waited on Friday for the police but they did not come and I was waiting for paperwork to be given back to me and refused to leave the ward.    It is laughable when they say the MDT are happy to continuewith the current communication plan and I will get a phone call weekly on my regular slot which should have been today however I got no phone call and the communication is laughable as you do not get any information.  I have been the one to give them information and get nothing in return!  

Out of a bad situation comes a good one.  This has put me in touch with so many wonderful people, some of whom I have not even had the pleasure to meet as yet but I hope to soon.  It has put me in contact with wonderful websites – one in particular who has given me so much good advice – Psychiatric abuse scotland, REvelations UK, Irish Voices for Reform in Mental Health Care – CCHR, Revelations UK –  there are just so many and all are united in seeing changes brought about for the better.    I would personally like to see Earth House over here giving choice to patients and treating them with respect unlike the NHS.      I would like a special appeal to go out to find celebrities to visit and cheer up the patients on this terrible ward.   If I am banned from visiting then I would just like to see the patients entertained and kept happy at the weekends.  I was going to bring in such entertainment myself such as zumba teachers, fitness experts etc.  There is nothing to do at the weekends and the patients are wandering up and down aimlessly.  Behind closed door the team continue to do what they are good at best and that is CONTROL.  Anyway if I volunteer for local police services then I have some good ideas and outings would be nice like they have at Cambion 4 Star Wards.  The Police did a wonderful outing for my younger daughter once and I would like to see something like this for the patients or at least visits from people but there are hardly any visitors.  It is truly horrible there. 

Elizabeth had texted me asking me to bring her pet kitten up to see her and some chinese food. 

However, before visiting, I had to go round to her accommodation and I have been given some time to clear her possessions as she is not going back.  The scheme in itself is a good idea – the flat is self-contained within a large house and situated in a nice area.  However, Elizabeth had spent too long in hospital and I think all along needed more care initially.  I would have liked her in the scheme opposite where I live as I personally knew the team who were very good.  I used to take them running on Sundays with the carers.  I was so impressed with the level of care – If only – if only they had listened.  I begged and begged – I felt she should be living independently, not at home but close by so that I could also help her and I would have got her a membership to a fabulous gym down the road.  I was disappointed when this was refused . I was right in thinking that the scheme she was placed under was wrong for her due to her vulnerability. Police were there one evening and unfortunately this confirmed my belief.   I mentioned a move might be good but there was nothing on offer and there seemed to be a shortage of places. Social Services just moved her up a floor nearer to the office but she was not happy any more –  every time I had her home she did not want to go back again.  She complained of loud thumping music,  of being bothered with knocking on her door in the early evenings,  she was beginning to get paranoid about being on her own and her safety and I think this was the reason why she constantly ended up back in hospital.  She became isolated and unhappy under this scheme.  She once said “noone knocked on her door”.  One whole week I slept on the floor as Elizabeth was afraid – this was when she was downstairs.  She was afraid people knocking on her window and door disturbing her.  I would have been ready to confront the lot of them and managed to find out one or two addresses.  It was because of this I became interested in applying to the police, however I really wanted to be a PCSO with links to the community as I could see how mental health care was failing the most vulnerable of people like my own daughter. 

It was not an option at the time to have her back home to live as she could be very unstable on the drugs.  On 750mg of Seroquel there were good days and bad days.  A bad day you could hardly speak to Elizabeth and she just wanted silence.  On a bad day she could snap quite easily at the slightest thing but the main problem was the scheme and the side effects of the medication she was on which was bothering her greatly only noone took any notice.

Each time she got admitted to hospital the psychiatrist tried to raise the dosage of the drug or give yet another one.  This made it easier for the staff as when they are drugged up they are asleep or incapable of doing anything much. 

So it was quite heartbreaking to have to move some of her possessions out and I have only just been given permission by social services to do that.  It would appear funding has come to an end and they have someone else for this scheme.  I remember in the scheme they had some nice people there.  People assume that everyone is a threat under the mental health – how wrong you could be.  Many are the most vulnerable people and they become isolated and Elizabeth just wanted to be admitted back to hospital for company.  She was lacking in friends but friends do not understand when someone becomes unrecognisable by their behaviour.   I believe I saw today in the Guardian an article on the very medication my daughter was first put on – Cipralix and how harmful this is.  This was the start of her aggression.  She was always mild mannered and polite but on this drug I noticed aggression for the first time ever and of course she had not been given any diagnoses – these were to follow.  She had been through a traumatic experience.  Something had happened to her and she went to her doctor and the doctor gave this terrible terrible drug which has only just been recognised as being harmful.  In fact as Dr Ann Blake Tracy says all of these drugs are very harmful and doctors do not look at their long term effects on the patient.

Anyway whilst round with a friend clearing out her possessions, which I do not know where to put!, the phone rang and it was Elizabeth.  She asked me to bring her things when I visited and was missing the kitten, Fluffy.


I was unprepared for what happened next.  It was a nice day and when I arrived at the ward with a friend complete with the cat and the chinese meal she wanted, I rang the bell and was told I could not have Elizabeth out at all.  As far as I know she had not been out for any fresh air at all which is very very bad.  All I wanted to do was to show her the kitten which she requested and let her take it for a very short walk up and down in front of the building.  This was flatly refused.  I was then told to bring up the chinese meal but I had got this for everyone.  I then said to the member of staff that it had been agreed with the ward manager that I could have a room provided but the member of staff said he knew nothing about this and was only going by notes.  They all know I visit at weekends and have a long journey to make and made the effort because Elizabeth wanted me to come.  Yesterday I did not go so I thought that it would be OK to come today but it was not and they would not give me a reason.   I then continued to wait until I got an answer about the room which I insisted was promised to me as they have banned me from going on the ward without any suitable explanation.  I have just found out she has been put on Clozapine and insisted staff tell me as the  last time  I visited Elzabeth had heart problems and  a doctor was called out, as we had gone running together. As nearest relative I wanted to know as I had taken her out running.  I needed to know for future references.  I also wanted to know why they had put her on Metformine – supposedly for diabetes.  Of course the staff member did not like it and I have lost count how many times they have threatened me in calling the police.  They are the ones abusing human rights because they want me off the ward because the other patients are complaining that their human rights are being abused and I think this is what they do not want me to witness and also they do not want the rest of the patients to know about the wonderful information I have supplied and besides some of the patients liked to talk to me.   Mostly patients had no visitors and no-one seemed at all happy on this ward as they are cooped up for most of the time and not being given enough fresh air.and I am most concerned that Elizabeth is stuck on the ward most the time.  So, when finally someone came to the ward to be let in  I still got no answer from the member of staff and I asked his name.  He started to get very very agitated and I I did try and look at his ID card but he was desperate for me not to see this..  This was not done in any aggressive manner.  Anyway he did not like that one bit!  By this time I was in the foyer and sat down waiting to hear whether Elizabeth could come out to see the cat for 5 minutes – they were being so unreasonable and were so panic stricken it was unbelievable.  I was then threatened to be arrested – how many times are they going to involve the police who are busy enough.  I told them that I would be phoning the police myself as I wanted to report this abuse – this abuse in terms of what was going on  that Elizabeth was not being allowed fresh air and to be with me for five minutes despite the Ward Manager’s promise.  If this is how they treat me you can imagine how they must treat the patients and I have proof of that by more than one patient who has written to me.  Anyway I spoke to the police about my grave concerns for my daughter’s wellbeing on that ward. 

So then the nurse who did not want to be identified desperately turned a bit nicer after threatening to physically have me thrown off the ward.  By the time I  had gone downstairs to get the chinese food and the kitten.  I waited and waited and waited outside until finally at long last someone came to the door but without Elizabeth.  There were desperately making excuse after excuse after excuse for me not seeing Elizabeth not even for 1 minute.  I am sure that a prisoner in jail is treated better than these patients.  Elizabeth I am told was not happy by a member of staff and I said “too right – after all I had proof she phoned me to ask me to come and see her and bring her chinese food and to see the cat who she missed.  How very mean and cruel of the management (not nurses as to be fair they are following orders!)  just because none of them like me they are taking out their feelings on me but also punishing my daughter.  How is this going to help her with this kind of behaviour.

I am hoping she will be moved but gave a letter to the  Consultant Psychiatrist to get her off the Clozpine first as I am so shocked at the research papers I have and how dangerous this drug is.

There  is only one way to sort this out and this is by court.


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